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The Band Played On

There’s a song in my head since I woke up this morning. I haven’t heard it since I was a little girl, a long while now, but it’s still there. Just as clear as a bell. I know every lyric and I am taken back to a time when I twirled in sock feet across the slick top of my grandmother’s living room coffee table. She had an old record, so thick and stiff it was like glass. I loved the sound of it, the hissing and scratching when she’d put it on the enormous record player, the needle touching down with a little gasp before the music would start. And then, I’d watch my grandmother’s face. One breath, two. No matter how many times I made her play that song, or how she protested and begged me to settle for a different tune, no dice. Because none of her other records did what this one could do. With the first strains of that melody, the corner of her mouth would lift.


There was a story in the song. It was simple: a boy and a girl, dancing, thrilling to one another. That was enough to make me love it. And trust me, I didn’t need an excuse to get up on that table and perform waltz after waltz, all dolled up in my grandmother’s square-dancing slip, delighted with the way those skirts billowed out around my little legs. I knew my grandmother was smiling at me. I was a little queen, then. But she had another smile, a secret smile, one I’d never seen before. It puzzled me and bothered me and made me dance harder and wilder, trying to pull her attention back to the wonder of me.

For the first time, I must have realized the woman in the little farmhouse – the person I thought I knew everything about, whom I believed had set her days to revolve solely around our family – had lived a life before us. Each time she played the waltz, I caught a glimpse of that girl. A stranger. A mystery. A pure wonder.

She taught me to make biscuits. She taught me the Lord’s Prayer. She taught me other things, too, like how to manipulate or regret decisions. She was quick to laugh, quick to judge, full of such pride in her family and weighed down with sorrows for brothers she couldn’t redeem. She loved her work, but never felt she was a smart woman. She loved her husband, and they were a gruff pair. She could work like a man in the summer garden, always lamented that she couldn’t grow a rose, and she never missed an epidsode of ‘Dallas,’ come Friday night. I knew all of this and I remember her that way to my children.

But today, I’ll put on a waltz. Because I know the corner of my mouth will lift, so like hers. And my daughter will wonder. She’ll watch me and weigh all the things she understands about my life against all the things she fears and hopes for her own, and she will tuck away the seed of what my grandmother’s waltz taught me.

She had a secret…

The Band Played On

December 22, 2011 - 2:25 pm

Kimberly Brock - Thanks, Roxann! I’m really flattered and so glad you enjoyed the blog. XO

November 28, 2011 - 2:52 pm

Roxann Pearson - Hope you don’t mind I shared this on my facebook page. It’s beautiful.

October 10, 2011 - 8:29 pm

Kimberly Brock - Thanks, Hope. And I’m excited about your upcoming debut!!

October 10, 2011 - 8:28 pm

Kimberly Brock - That’s exactly what I hoped for, Julia!

October 10, 2011 - 8:28 pm

Kimberly Brock - What a beautiful thing to say. Thank you, Jolina.

October 10, 2011 - 7:47 pm

Jolina Petersheim - You’ve got such a talent, Kim. I know your grandmother is proud of you and perhaps she’s even dancing to this waltz now.

October 8, 2011 - 1:24 am

C. Hope Clark - How beautifully visual, Kimberly. I always love your work.

October 6, 2011 - 3:17 pm

Julia Munroe Martin - What beautiful memories of your grandmother and beautifully told! I will tuck away this seed, too.

October 5, 2011 - 6:42 pm

Melissa Crytzer Fry - Wow, Kim. This is breathtaking – again. You do know how to spin a tale, don’t you? (Which is why I can’t wait to get my hands on The River Witch). When people tell such lovely tales of wonderful grandparents, I often feel sad, slighted. I HAD grandparents, but they really weren’t present at all … one felt she was “too young to be a grandma” and the other had 22 grandchildren. And grandpas… one died when I was six. The other was always distant, aloof. So I am very happy that you have these wonderful memories with such a special lady. You made the corner of MY mouth lift with these beautiful memories. Hope the writing is rockin’.

October 5, 2011 - 5:16 pm

Hannah Isenhower - Kim, i love this! and i love your memories of Gran! i so loved her! and so miss her. i so look forward to seeing her again!!! i still hear her giggle!!! thank you for sharing your memories with us! and what a way you have of sharing them! God bless you!

October 5, 2011 - 5:14 pm

Jessica McCann (@JMcCannWriter) - Your post brought a smile to my mouth, Kimberly. Talk about magic. Your storytelling talent never fails to blow me away.

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